Joking Around

[Angela]

It's A Monk's Life

In an ancient monastery, a new monk arrived to dedicate his life to God and to join the others copying ancient records. The first thing he noticed was that they were copying by hand books that had already been copied by hand.

He had to speak up. "Forgive me, Father Justinian, but copying other copies by hand allows many chances for error. How do we know we aren't copying someone else's mistakes? Are they ever checked against the originals?"

Father Justinian was startled. No one had ever suggested that before. "Well, that is a good point, my son. I will take one of these latest books down to the vault and study it against its original document."

He went deep into the vault where no one else was allowed to enter and started to study. The day passed, and it was getting late in the evening.

The monks were getting worried about Father Justinian. Finally one monk started making his way through the old vault, and as he began to think he might get lost, he heard sobbing. "Father Justinian," he called.

The sobbing grew louder as he came closer. He finally found the old priest sitting at a table with the new copy and the original ancient book in front of him. It was obvious that Father Justinian had been crying for a long time.

"Oh, my Lord," sobbed Father Justinian, "the word is 'celebrate'!"

 

[Angela]

Top 10 Old Folks' Party Games

10. Musical Recliners

9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta

8. Hide and Go Pee

7. Simon Says Something Incoherent

6. Doc, Doc Goose

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over

4. Kick the Bucket

3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear

2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy

1. Sag, You're It!

 

[Angela]

Church Bulletin Bloopers

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.  ' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

Ladies don't forget the rummage sale.  It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.  Bring your husbands.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir.  They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.  So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.  Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'  Come early and listen to our choir practice.

 Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.  They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.  Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.   Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.  The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.  Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

 

[Angela]

My Doctor just diagnosed me with Tom Jones Syndrome ...

"Is it common?" I said. "Well..." He replied "It's not unusual"

 

[Angela]

My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!"

"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?"

"Nothing. She's just having contractions."

 

[Angela]

Watching Star Wars

I was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun. I said to keep warm.

She asked, "How warm is it inside?"

I said, "Lukewarm

 

[Angela]

Pigeons

But baby pigeon said, "I can't make it; I'll get too tired." His mother said, "Don't worry; I'll tie a piece of string to one of your legs and the other end to mine."

The baby started to cry.

"What's wrong?" said the mother.

"I don't want to be pigeon towed

 

[Angela]

blished in Jokes

Three mischievous boys skipped school one day and instead went to the zoo one day for an outing.

They decided to visit the elephant cage first, but soon enough, they were picked up by a zoo security officer for causing a commotion.

The officer hauled them off to the Security Office for questioning.

The supervisor in charge asked each of them to give their names and tell what they were doing at the elephant cage.

The first boy innocently said, "Okay, my name is Gary, and I was just throwing peanuts into the elephant cage."

The second added, "My name is Larry, and all I was doing was throwing peanuts into the elephant cage."

The third boy was a little more shaken up than his buddies and said,

"Well, my name is Peter, but my friends call me Peanuts."

 

[Angela]

Quote of the Day: When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. — George

 

[Angela]

Lot of Bull

A farmer was bragging. "I've got 350 sheep."

"That's a lot of sheep," replied the other farmer.

"And I've got 500 chickens," bragged the farmer.

"That's a lot of chickens," answered the second farmer.

"And 40 bulls," added the farmer.

The other farmer replied, "Boy! That IS a lot of bull."

 

[Angela]

My wife is mad at me because she found some hidden letters that revealed I was cheating on her. She swears we'll never play Scrabble again!

 

[Angela]

I made a playlist for hiking. it has music from The Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem.

I call it my trail mix.